#wasn't active today but im suck and also never active so

[redamanccys]

late birthday edit for the loml i love him so much no watermark but i did post this on my editing account solisdreams anyway good night or good morning depending on where you guys live

[jazjelspen]

amor eterno [parte 2]

(miguel and platonic!reader)

(spanglish speaking mexican reader/female reader/not proofread/description of character death)

(you are Miguel's biological daughter in a different universe and you had to watch your father pass and get buried in your younger years.

you, now an older teenager, have been mastering your spider powers to help the city and your community till all of a sudden you get sucked into another universe where... you see your father again.)

you've been with the spider-society for a few months now and you hoped that you at least for sure proved your potential to the 2099 Spider-Man. you were given an official watch and ditching the one-day bracelets once and for all. funny enough the same mission that was given to Gwen and Hobie when you were basically pushed away by Miguel the first time was also the same mission where you were able to prove yourself to Miguel and his right hand woman, Jessica Drew, in joining the Spider-Society since Gwen and Hobie were in a really tight spot to the point where they had to call for backup, but luckily you sneaked in with them and it lead you to eventually prove yourself to Miguel and in the end you are now here!

when you got home of course you told Peter everything.. literally everything! he wasn't sure if to believe you at first but considering how his own adoptive sister(a.k.a you, duh) is a friendly neighborhood spider-person vigilante that has an extra sense and can shoot webs out of her wrists with the extra talent of being able to climb ceilings and walls??-- then yea he totally believed you in the end. although the weeks after that he always put a little more attention to you than usual, even if you never noticed it, since Peter knew that anything relating to your late-father was a touchy subject. and he understood you completely yet he wanted to make sure you'd stay in check.

in this present moment in time you are currently on the top of the Spider-Society HQ after an intense solo mission, currently having a lunch you saved that your sweet Tia May made you for your usual "after school activities", you continued on with the same ritual which was having the photo of you and your dad leaning on a surface while you eat, drink, and talk with the photo of him. today you decided to add a little touch to this usual routine which was to use your phone to play a song you've had since you could remember.

after you set everything up and hit play you immediately opened up your lunch for today and started munching with a small smile on your face while humming along with the melody before you started your conversations with the photo.

"hola papi!, I hope you're doing alright where you are. I put our favorite song today, Amor Eterno remember? we always sang the one sung by Rocío Dúrcal so... here it is, playing just for you." you let out a deep sigh before you began eating and soon enough continued the one-sided conversation even as the song was starting to sing it's beautiful lyrics.

"Tú eres la tristeza, ay, de mis ojos.."

"Que lloran en silencio por tu amor.."

"well.. there were basically almost no other broncas today other than the usual anomaly chase. and no im not hurt, I may or may not have a few cuts but that's something some two inch bandages can easily fix." you giggled a bit before you took a bit of silence to continue eating and drinking your favorite refreshment. you stared out into the night sky, stars shining bright and vibrant while twinkling as you were inspecting this futuristic and bright world with awe. your meal was gone just as fast as you first opened it and so did your drink. for the next few seconds you just looked out at the sky, knees up to your chest and your head resting on top of your knees.

everyone from the society right now were either at home in their universes or finishing up any work inside the HQ before running back to their beds. as much as you wanted to run back home into the arms of your family and take a good night's rest too you couldn't help but to also feel as if right now all you needed was just to eat and breathe, to live a little in the smallest way possible.

you mumbled the lyrics of the song playing softly in the background, this song made you tear up every time. after all the song's meaning and every word being sung has been engraved into your bones since the day your dad introduced it to you. you knew this song just as well as you knew the back of your hand.

"Cómo quisiera, ay.." "Que tú vivieras..." "Que tus ojitos jamás se hubieran.." "Cerrado nunca y estar mirándolos."

you sang along with the lyrics even as you felt your voice box start to quiver and eyes threatening to start bawling again.

"Amor eterno," "E inolvidable," "Tarde o temprano estaré contigo," "Para seguir amándonos.."

all you could think about was your dad singing you to sleep with a smile on his face, even when he was tired from work or was busy that night he always made sure to at least softly sing you a lullaby in your mother tongue to get you to fall asleep.

after you sang the last verse you couldn't help but to just let the song keep going, intending to just let the beautiful voice of the woman guide you through your past memories instead of singing them yourself. it's not like the tears running down your face and the itch in your throat let you anyway.

the thing was.. that a somber yet deep male voice picked up where you left off. the voice didn't full on sing it was really more of a mix of both mumbling under their breath and audibly singing.

"Yo he sufrido tanto por tu ausencia," "Desde ese día hasta hoy no soy feliz."

well whatever way they sang, you didn't really care.. you only cared about the fact that all you could hear was your dad again, singing beside you as he used to always do.

" 'apa??..." you scrambled back to get back on your feet and face the voice behind you. and you were right, it was your dad but-- it also wasn't.

Miguel O'hara of 2099 continued to mumble the rest even if you now have both eyes and ears on him now.

"Y aunque tengo tranquila mi conciencia," Sé que pude haber yo hecho.. más por ti.."

There was a pause until you finally had a courage to break it "it's you.."

"it's me." the man added, looking down at your phone that kept playing the music. gaze still cold and hard yet there was a touch of familiarity and maybe even gentleness on his face "did your father show you that song?"

you nodded slowly, "yes, he did." you then started cleaning up and picking up any trash you have left over, even putting the photo of you and your dad back into your spider-suit. "he sang it to put me to sleep every night. now I sing it to him for him to rest easy."

he simply hummed in reply as he continued to mumble the ongoing lyrics under his breath.

"you seem to know the song pretty well. in your world did.. you sing it to your daughter too?" you asked with a cautious look on your face, unsure if you're allowed to ask personal questions to your boss since any time you've seen fellow spiders try to ask him about anything personal he'd either ignore, shrug them off, or even snap at them a bit. yet the question really just.. kinda slipped out.

"yes, yes I did." his response was simply short and brief "I sang her many songs that I know by heart."

"...ever taught her any sports?.."

"I used to take my daughter to her soccer games every weekend."

"and--"

"and that's all I'm willing to say." Miguel tried to end the mini interrogation with that one phrase.

but you were persistent, like him.

"and if there was a chance to bring her back.. any chance at all with no consequence and with no worlds ending-- would you try to?" you looked up at him, hoping that he'd perhaps agree.

it took a bit for him to respond but he eventually did "of course I would."

you smiled a bit, feeling a sense of achievement that you and Miguel were able to at least agree on one thing: that if there was a chance, with no consequences, you both would in fact save those closest to you. just knowing this made you feel as if you have a connection of sorts now. you then were getting ready to pick up your phone as the song was already nearing it's end until Miguel had a few questions of his own.

"your.. father.. when he died. who did you stay with?" 2099 asked bluntly as you then retreated your hand from your device.

"well.. when my dad died I was taken in and adopted by mi Tia May y su sobrino, Peter Parker. she continued where he left off in raising me in gratitude for my dad who always helped her out every time when she needed something whether it was big or not." you took a pause to deeply inhale and exhale as you smiled faintly, pulling out the photo again of that sunny day with your old man catching butterflies.

"..me recuerdo el moment cuando mi papa ganó la pelea con el raterro y el lo paro.. pero le costo su vida. y.. y yo corri a mi papa, yo con mis manitas chiquitas tratando de ayudarlo pero el solo se quedo sangrando mas y mas.. y..pues mi papi fallecio enfrente de mi." your voice quivered but at the same time it sounded as if you recounted this moment over and over again before. "yes I did in fact take lots of therapy.. still do." you then just quickly shook your head and rubbed your eyes in embarrassment as to wipe away your upcoming tears from spilling again. "anyway I'll be taking my leave, señor O'hara.." you picked up your phone that has now been off for awhile now before you gave a small nod of respect towards him "you're a good man, I'm sure your daughter was happy to have a father like you." you shined a small smile before you turned to walk away to go back to head back to your world.

"_____." he called out, to which you turned to face him with that smile still slapped onto your face. "I'm sure your.. father.. would be proud to see how you've grown and who you have become." and for the first time ever, you could swear you saw the very tips of his mouth turn upwards ever so slightly.

you gave him a nod and a confident smile "muchísimas gracias, señor." and just like that you swinged off to go back home for a well deserved sleep.

Miguel went back to facing the view of the rest of Nueva York with the very faint smile now growing into a normal small one. he looked up at the sky as he mumbled to himself,

"she shares your smile, Gabi.." he paused "you both share.. my.. smile."

(hope this one is good! next chapter I'll try my best to include more father/daughter moments with the reader and Miguel! hope this sufficed tho<3)

[luvchampagne]

WHOLE - k. tetsuro

summary: kuroo may be lacking and imperfect in some ways but you are there to make up for him.

pairings: kuroo tetsuro x fem! reader

a/n: this has been seating on my drafts for too long, and you can tell im loosing my brain juices at the ending. :')

kuroo tetsuro feels whole the day you entered his life. Every moment he gets he captures himself reminiscing the day how you two met. It was rather a sunny sunday and as always he spent his weekends on his grandmas house. last night he had cried himself to sleep; he had once again wondered what he did wrong for his mother to forsake him, he never truly got a proper answer no matter who he asked and he felt like he would never get one. so today, on a sunny sunday he decided to skip homework. it was unlikely of him, and he knew that all too well but something itched in him to go outside and play after that miserable evening, and there he found you. hair tied up in a pretty pony tail, dressed in floral pink dress as you drew random objects on the sidewalk. one particular thing that caught his eye is a black cat. “you forgot to drew it's whiskers.” he pointed out, he wasn't even aware that he had approach you. “oh,” and oh my god, if he knew that he had fallen inlove with those eyes of yours middle school kuroo wouldve laughed and won't believe a word. “it seems that i have, would you mind drawing it for me?” you offered him a white chalk. “im busy drawing it's food. by the way, his name is mr. cat” kuroo raised a brow at that. “mr. cat? how odd.” he could only smile at that thought as he proceeded to draw mr. cat's whiskers. so, on that day onwards kuroo tetsuro looked forward to every weekend. not only has he gained a new friend besides kenma and he had also gained a fellow friend thats actually interested in his volleyball activities. he learned that you had a crazy obsession with cartoons and like to fan girl over them, you adored taylor swift and you do seem to get along with kenma, occasionally playing video games with each other as you teamed up against kuroo and tell him that he sucks. of course he'd get pouty about it so you always promise to play volleyball with him and drag kenma along.

kuroo tetsuro feels whole when you two met again in college, unfortunately your parents had found a new job at a better neighbourhood and decided to move there. forcibly severing your contacts with your friends as you entered high school. he had saw you first in the library, hair tied once again in a high pony tail as you typed something on your laptop, your anti rad glass seating beautifully on the bridge of your nose. he remembers particularly in middle school he had told kenma how he felt about you, how his hands get clammy and a random wave of nervousness rush over him every time he gets to see you and how he feels like he's about to vomit his heart whenever you smile at him and tell him how proud you are of his volleyball accomplishments. kenma told him it was a crush and he immediately denied it. of course, middle schooler kuroo didn't care about any of that so he hadn't thought he'd grew feelings of you unconsciously. he recalls that feeling on a random sunny weekend once more when he was on his first year of high school after his friends asked (specifically yaku) if he ever had a crush. it was only then that the realization dawned on him, he liked you. he liked you and, ohmygod, kenma was right and everything's too late now and there was 1% he could actually meet you again. he remembers correctly that he felt hopeless and how dumb of him to never realized his own feelings for you. of course he mopped over that for a week, i mean sure, maybe you wouldn't reciprocate his feelings too but atleast he could've told you before you left. and he felt so stupid and dumb to deny what kenma told him 3 years ago. So, to meet you again in a random library was something he didn't expect. one thing led to another and he had approached you and thank god, you still remember him. a tiny part of him would've died in embarrassment if you did forget about him. he had guessed that if you didn't, he'd just re-introduce himself to you.

kuroo tetsuro feels whole when you drunkly confessed that you like him. of course, that wasn't his ideal way for confessing but if its you, he'd let it slide.

kuroo tetsuro feels whole when he finally get to feel your lips against his. it felt like home oh-so-warm and tasted like watermelon. he never knew that he'd obsessed over that fruit.

kuroo tetsuro feels whole when he gets home exhausted and youd always be there to engulf him in a hug, whispering “i miss you's and welcome, love.”

kuroo tetsuro feels whole when you said yes to him repeatedly on a sunny sunday under a wisteria trea. it was a three letter word but it meant the whole world to him. perhaps it wasn't sunday's that bring him luck but you. because when you had looked him in the eye when you two were seven and offered him a chalk, the day after his parents argued once more over custody, you had saved him. unconsciously.

kuroo tetsuro feels whole as he admires your sleeping face, legs tangled together under the blanket as your warmth engulf him. he can feel you starting to wake up but he can't help but stare at you longer. it was sunday again, and god knows how many times he had already hit snoozed on your alarm just to admire you further. kuroo tetsuro may not be perfect and lacking in some parts but, when he is with you he can feel as if he could conquer the whole world, because you keep him whole and he has zero plans of loosing you again.

[vampirepersay]

Girls transfem butters fic CW misgendering verbal abuse implied

Doing dumb things was just a part of growing up, kids are stupid and believe dumb things, however, most people don't constantly think about one thing that happen to them ten years ago and why should they, it's not like it was a big deal anyway it was just another one of Eric's dumb ideas that Butters somehow believed and why he believed it he will never know.                                                

Yet he did and he can't stop thinking about it all these years later and butters still can't stop thinking about how good it felt to be Marjorine and how much he hated being butters, Majorine had all the things butters wanted friends that were not complete douchebags, no overbearing parents ready to punish her for looking at someone the wrong way. But butters know while a great improvement from his real life there was something more, something bigger than all those things, bigger than cartman's ass even. Majorine was a girl and butters much to his dismay was not.

Before Butters could continue with his existential crisis a familiar scream could be heard 

"Butters come downstairs right this instant young man!". 

"oh geez," butters quietly mutters to himself before responding with a "coming dad", 

before going down the stairs. An all too familiar sight meeting his eyes,  his dad Stephen stotch looked like he came straight out of some cheesy 1950s sitcom but unlike those sitcom dads who were loving and caring fathers  Stephen was neither loving nor caring  

 "Butters, do you have anything to say for yourself?" 

Confused as to what his dad was mad about this time butters replies anyway hoping that he says the right thing to not make his dad madder 

"I'm so sorry I didn't mean to" 

In actuality, Butters had no idea why his dad was so mad but he wasn't about to give him any more reasons to yell at him. 

"don't give me that attitude young man, you know exactly what you did, why didn't you mow the grass today? I don't know what the hell has gotten into you lately but whatever it is it's not more important than your chores". 

"I'm so sorry dad you're right I'll go do that" replied the nervous blonde. 

"you better have it done before dinner" 

"I will dad"

.the next two hours sucked butters was never good at physical activities and yard work was no exception but after two hours in the summer sun he was done at last standing at the back door about to go in his home 

before he heard a voice he would recognize from anywhere his long-time best friend and neighbor Eric Cartman, despite his rude nature, butters genuinely loves his friendship with Eric where others just see a fat rude douchebag, butters knew Eric was so much more than that underneath all that Eric was a surprisedly kind person even if he very rarely chose to show that side of himself it also didn't help that he was so beautiful yes it was true he was the fattest boy at school but butters thought it just made him that much cuter. 

"hey fag" said the oh so familiar brunette 

"oh hey Eric what's up", replied butters 

"im so fucking happy  Kyle went to some stupid summer camp so he's not going to be here for a whole month". "

Oh that's a real bummer" replied the blonde 

"yeah I know a real bummer he's not staying there all summer," said Eric. 

"That's not what I meant and you know it Eric!" replied butters playful yelling 

"relax I know what you meant you, dork".  Eric replied

"So anyway,  want to go do something cool". 

Says the brunette

What kind of cool thing are we talking about".  Replied the taller  blonde 

"I was thinking I drive us to McDonald's and you pay," said the fat boy. 

Sounds fun just let me go ask my parents and, wait, why am I paying? Replied the blond, 

"because I'm driving duh". Answered Eric with a look on his face as if what he said was the most obvious thing in the world. 

And with an annoyed-sounding approval from his parents Butters had left with eric.

[druid-delaluna]

may i ask what happens between you, the fandom, and the crew if you're comfortable recounting? im thinking about getting back into eddsworld after a rocky start in the fandom, but if stuff is worse then..

I want to say firstly if you want to join the fandom don't let my views or story sway you in any way. It's all under the cut please don't go harassing people on my behalf or because you feel you're doing anything good.

A lot of people were victims, including myself of the crew (and by crew I mean those active in the Eddsworld discord before the Patreon change) aggressive and just mean behavior and actions. I'm talking a lot of mad shit spoken, arguments, fights, petty ass drama, and in my case. A lie created by Oblivion/Neep/Prince Jayden to have me kicked from the server. (from what I understand Collin/Jon and a few other crew members were involved as well)That I leaked the Patreon when I never had paid for it. I never had access to it. Either they knew this and didn't care or Bing forgot to mention old mods didn't have to pay for it. I really don't care who did it as most of them dislike me. They didn't like that I was quite blunt with my disapproval and had harsh opinions on their behavior and what was going on with the show. So since they couldn't actually just outright kick me, they figure getting me with this lie was good enough. Bing coming to apologize wasn't because he actually cared, it was more or less damage control pushed by another person, who I got all this information from. Then, you add in all the past grooming and SA crap that happened last summer. On top of these same people going to harass server members and their ex-friends. It is toxic, it is shameful. You think people who have done such bad things would wake up to the fact maybe you're the bad guy in this. You are doing terrible things for what? Your name on a show riddle with issues? Don't you have anything else going for you? I realize I'm tired, I got burnt out fighting and fighting for what I thought was the right thing but man I'm getting old myself I got a lot of opportunities elsewhere.

Regarding fandom, those very same people are now working on the show (SKL was involved too) so it's like I don't want to see them of course. So better I leave, block it all, and try to find some calm back in my fandom/internet life. As well as my own friends being targeted by them or by others over very petty nonsense. I feel bad that perhaps Jayden and the rest are targeting my friends cause of me, maybe they're trying to get at me. So leaving might make it easier on them. I'm not sure. There have been some awful harassment and bullying issues. The fact fandom rightfully opens the discussion of using fascism tropes with the red army but then ignores the rampant racism going on. Also since so many of the older fans are leaving, the younger ones are starting to repeat the same harmful discussions of irl vs show and using that dead man name to push their views.

(Take this next part with a hard grain of salt) Down to the fact that we might not know 100% what happen between Edd Gould and Cal from the google docs. But when I asked Matt about it he couldn't seem to tell us that Cal was an adult at the time of their relationship. I know England laws are different than the states but if you can't just say your friend was dating an adult and kinda avoiding the discussion something very weird going on.

Now if you wanna come back, just stick in your own lane, make your little friend groups, and just have fun is my best advice. Avoid these users as they are very twoface like the rest of the crew. During my time as curator and I got to see those masks drop when they realize you didn't suck up to them. It wasn't just me they acted like this with and I feel so bad for others they hurt to get the positions they have today. It wasn't fair and I understand why removing the one person who stood up to it all was in their mindset as they continue to harm others. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe it was just all in my head but after finding out from one of them what really happen, it fucking disgusting why they did this. Hope this help explain why I left the fandom and why I dislike the crew so much.

UPDATE: 5/1/2023 As of today Oblivion and Neepin have reached out to apologize for their involvement and behavior towards me and others. I appreciate this and I'm glad they are coming to see what they did was very wrong.

[4ce160]

i have to talk about this or else i'll implode and i dont think my friends want to hear me go on about ice hockey for like an hour, i have already tormented them enough (putting this under a readmore. i am tired and am probably being dramatic)

after several years of wanting to play ice hockey i finally managed to do so like two days ago. i obviously fell a bunch of times because i hadnt ice skated in a while (three years :skull_emoji:), and going almost straight into a match as a first time thing wasnt really the best idea. i sucked as expected, but it was still really fun and familiar in some aspects, and i am determined to become at least okay-ish at it

i was at the second training yesterday (technically today but my sleep schedule is bad), and we went through some more basic skating techniques which was really nice, and im grateful that the karate apparently helps with some aspects. Idk it just feels surreal because it's a thing I've wanted to do for so long, but I've never really talked about it much and i feel emberassed about being so happy about it

idk im also realizing that me for the longest time going "Hell yeah I want to play ice hockey!!!" every time a hockey reference popped up wasn't really normal levels of interest(tm). There sadly weren't any hockey clubs in my hometown either lmao (there were people who did indoor hockey/floorball(?) but we'd played that a bunch at school and it wasn't as appealing :pensive:).

ironically enough, i was always unable to really watch ice hockey on the tv or get into any too ice hockey-related media, because I'd get so distraught about not being able to play it myself that I'd just be unable to focus on it. Like it'd happen with other sports/activities too but it'd be extra bad with ice hockey (and karate but I'd already practiced that so it was less frustrating). I'm embarrassed to say that i almost quit watching il for a bit when they got to the hockey episodes because I'd be like "m a n i want to play ice hockey :( " then I'd just and be really distraught over it for a bit :pensive.jpg:

i suppose it's the surreal-ness of doing that this year as well as starting t which were two things i thought i wasnt going to be able to do anytime soon. it's just really cool

[rlljayhon]

5/12/24 (heppi mothaz day)

"if you're everybody's friend, your own enemy is you" - derived from mike tyson

anywho! i am doing worse in regards to managing my feelings! yippee!!!! idk why is liking someone so annoying HAHA thankfully denise told me something that was a slap to the face and it kept me in line lmao umm I think I deserve better like I should be looking for a relationship where I feel wanted! but alas I do not respect myself nor love myself enough to do that!!! i mean I wasn't actively looking for something before this whole situation occurred which is why I'm "okay" with where I am at??? i guess??? and they have already made it pretty clear they just want to stay friends, and they don't really do anything or say anything that makes me think they are interested either!! so why do I still feel this way!!! it isn't going to go anywhere!! blahhh!!!! i just need to do a better job of keeping things casual methinx!! bc if they like changed their mind (which will never happen, just a hypothetical) like I would have to think, do they actually like me for me??? or just the attention they get y'know??? baggage baggage catch me at LAX bc I be carrying around all this damn BAGGAGE!!! on the plus side! i have learned that I really like someone who has a lot of qualities I wish I had heh also I do not know if I would wanna be /w someone who is like loud and as energetic as I am LMAO I like the dynamic of being silly and making someone embarrassed in public like not in a bad way but I guess causing a scene HAHA bc me and another goofball I think I would get tired of that and it would be like,,, too much of myself

idk i think im just gonna ride it out until either one of us meets someone or decides to call it off! i will be pretty bummed when that happens, bc I mean yeah all this sucks but I mean I am still having fun!! well that day/situation/talk is inevitable like thanos' snap so it is just a matter of when I guess also on tik tok today I got recommended a one shot manga like its just one chapter and it was this cute little romance called parasol alliance and I liked it a lot so I looked for more one shot mangas -> I found a website and sorted by most popular and I found one I really liked! it was really cute!! but towards the last like 20% of the manga IT BECAME A FUCKIN PORN!!! WHATT!?!?! i mean,,, I wasn't gonna stop there yknow I was already invested n gotta see it thru HAHA it was just so silly like I did not expect that shit at all, and all the comments on that website are just a bunch of thirsty ass weeby girls going like, omgggg he is soo hottt HAHA I guess its like the fanfic to hentai manga pipeline or some shit

--------> Had to add in some shit after reading the last post

I LOVE THE KASAMAS!!! <3 anakbayan has been great for me like having a whole new group of friends is so nice and everyone is so fun and it is so so so amazing to know we are all together fighting and working towards the same goal!!! but also even tho everyone likes me a lot I find it sometimes hard to relate bc I'm in the like 10% of the org who is straight LMAOOOOO but that is okay!! i am just so excited to be done with finals so I can game and fuckin work out and read manga and WORK and learn more about the Phillippines!!! also probably buy a balisong and learn more kendama tricks too lol

[katronautt]

KAT'S YEAR REVIEW & A THANK YOU NOTE

hello my lovelies! we reached the end of this year (thank god) and i have a few things to say and a lot to thank for you guys.

(i promise that the rest of my writing is not in this font lol)

this year sucked. bigtime. everyone was all over 2020, how bad it was and all but lemme tell you, 2021 wasn't that much better either. first half of this year was spent with struggling trying to find a job while spiraling down into the rabbit hole of self-pity and depression. finally in may (after 8 months of searching), i got accepted to a place that wasn't (and isn't) any better than what I had left behind in 2020. still, it is somewhat better and i least i have a monthly income for now.

but i still very much like to move on to something else in 2022 so here is the first thing im hoping for next year: a good job with a good salary, something i enjoy doing. (huh good luck you dumb biatch lol)

so all in all, i hated this year but!! there are a few things that made is somewhat bareable and it is all thanks to you guys! (here comes the soppy part so buckle up)

i (re)discovered the world of fanfiction throughout the pedro fandom sometime in november, 2020. i have all that time in my hands since i didnt have a job and i got really into it. ever since then, i find it hard at nights to go to sleep without reading anything before it (kinda became a tradition of mine if you will) and during the winter, reading fanfics helped me tremendously. they helped me escape from my miserable, jobless, futureless and lonely af life and they helped me get through the day. they brought me joy, sometimes tears in a good way and i caught myself staying up til 2 or 3 just to read "one more" chapter of a certain fic.

i still cant believe you guys are doing this for free, for our entertainment (and yours) ! sharing your wonderful works with us and expecting nothing in return (except for the obviously well deserved likes & reblogs) is truly a wonder i never be able to comprehend!

tumblr is truly a hellsite, it gave me so much anxiety since i joined back in actively yet... tumblr is also that thing that gave me the most joy this year with y'all in it.

and now for the thank you notes:

⭐ yes of course im starting with my dearest, my love, my one braincell, @queenofthefaceless. ari, you were one of the first 'big' blogs that started following me after i started making gifs again and i was all over and back and that support still holds up til today. thank you for your neverending support and for always being there for me, no matter what. ilysm. 💜

⭐ although we dont speak much lately, @keethus-arts I ll never forget your support and nice words whenever i was feeling down. thank you keeth! 💜

⭐ when @ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa started following me, i was just about to go to bed around 2 am, but when i saw the notification i got so excited that i couldnt sleep for another half an hour and then the next morning i checked in there again to see if i wasnt dreaming. for a while i was intimidated by Katryn for some stupid reason (you know big blog with amazing and popular fics and all) but honestly she's the absolute sweetest and I'm so glad I got to meet you! You have such amazing & wonderful stories! i also wanna thank you for your infinite support towards my maxie gifs and towards my other works too💜

⭐ the same happened with @qveenbvtch, i was (and am) so in love with her javi series, i never thought that such a big and amazing (and intimidating) writer would ever talk to me, let alone follow me but she is also one of the sweetest person i've ever met here and i hope she is doing alright and having a nice holidays wherever she is right now 💜

⭐ @mandocrasis birdie, you know this by now but i found you and your blog through your mind blowing fic interruption which is probably something i will never shut up about, but through that smutty one piece i got to meet a wonderful person with wonderful stories & i thank you for your never fading support towards me and my gifs 💜

⭐ @asta-lily lil beans, although you are not that active anymore on tumblr (which i hope will change one day), you were one of the first people i became mutuals with and i was lucky enough too meet the sweetest, loveliest person in you. and your AOJ story forever remains dear to my heart 💜

⭐ sweet, sweet @anaaaispunk ! the first thing i read from you was the first chapter of your crazy in love series (during my summer holiday, on a beach, with people all around me... ) i was instantly blown away and sweating (and not just from the hot wheater 🤭), I just knew I had to follow you for more haha. but this way I got to meet another sweet soul of tumblr with an amazing writing talent. thank you for all the love and support you have shown towards me and my gifs 💜

⭐ MEG! i feel like i am so lucky for finding your soft max lord series, it seriously changed my life, i fell in love with the story, with max, the whole thing.. and when you dedicated your latest chapter to me with that sweet note, i felt like i could cry, because honestly, one of the best thing that happened to me lately haha. you are an absolute angel and dont you forget that @perropascal !! 💜

⭐ and i also wanna mention and say thanks to @babydarkstar! Your ezra story had blown me the fuck away, seriously, its amazing, wonderful and beautiful.. just like you anya, thank you for support and your amazingness! 💜

Alrighty, i talk way too fucking much so im just gonna tag the rest of y'all to whom i say a massive thanks because without your amazing fics i dont think i would have survived this year ( i know with some of you we are not mutuals but that doesnt stop me from loving your works):

@absurdthirst, @toomanystoriessolittletime, @storiesofthefandomlovers, @honestly-shite, @littlemisspascal, @radiowallet, @queridopascal, @just-here-for-the-moment, @softpedropascal , @javier-pena, @f0rever15elf, @danidrabbles, @lellowberry, @pedro-pascal-love, @foli-vora, @krissology @frannyzooey, @starlightmornings, @wordsnwhiskey, @juletheghoul, @dincrypt, @mandosmistress, @yespolkadotkitty, @songsformonkeys, @the-ginger-hedge-witch, @astroboots, @brandyllyn, @charnelhouse , @ezrasbirdie , @novemberrain221, @oonajaeadira

And to every other lovely mutuals I am lucky enough to have: without your support I'd be nowhere. Love y'all tremendously 💋❤️❤️

@beskarboobs, @300mirrors, @over300books, @artsymaddie, @phantomviola, @djarsdin, @sirtadcooper , @lucrezia-thoughts, @wild-at-heart-kept-in-cage

Here's to another shitty AMAZING year with you guys on this hellsite!! 🥂🎉❤️❤️❤️❤️

[friedbreadwombat]

Realising that I was not as alone as I thought, in the past and horrible place, and that I mattered to people who also, somehow, mattered to me, in ways that I had never before realised.

It's beautiful.

We were all just being depressed and all or nothing do or die its me grimsley, and we were walking down a path, that got more and more bleak, ending in death.

And yet, we still chose to walk it. Not everyone would have the strength to keep walking through the same place that broke you down before and will do it again, very likely.

It was very dark, we could all see nothing or close to nothing, or maybe even not at all. We had no reason to be doing things. And maybe we might have even wanted to leave it all behind forever.

But yet, somehow, we still stayed ourselves. Being ourselves. There were words going unheard, crying not seen, people blatantly just, ignoring, not just what we say and communicate, but also,

Us as people.

It was like we were worthless, in there.

Labelled an asshole. Labelled, even, neurodivergent, where neurodivergence is somehow a fucking insult even though we live past the 2016s grow up, yall.

They never wanted genuine heart and effort. They wanted us to follow them blindly until we bled to death. Ofc it hurt.

That is not a pleasant choice. Im not dying lol.

The humanity in us, were seen as something, shameful. Stupid. Excessive. Annoying, even, maybe. Feared.

For me, I was bold enough. I had a scary amount of talents, I guess, because people call me a narcissist. I had said nothing. Close to nothing. I had done nothing. For boasting, or really just, showing who I was, sharing that, I got stabs. Yeah. Basically. Ive literally been stabbed before, as a fucking child, and well, let me say that it hurts quite as equally, you sick fucks.

I wasn't the only one who was receiving said kinds of ill treatment.

People sucked, basically, even though we were still trying so hard to connect with them, that we started to bleed.

I don't know what happened exactly to every one of us. I can only guess. And boy, the estimates, are looking incredibly dark. Please take this, as an opinion from someone who has seen enough blood to be desensitised to a corpse. Your sufferings r valid pls.

But you all have grown, and it seems, you have learnt this already, and learnt your worths.

I am so relieved, and so proud. Never thought an evil shit like me would be capable of friendship ig but here we are.

Yall grew yall independent yall fought and yall amazing ❤ im serious.

Im not gonna specify anything but we are like super young to be doing a lot of the things we are doing today. On the big mvs, in a great company, literally raising fucking hell on video show on a capitalist ass corporate site that is trying to shoot down its creative users actively for like no reason and we all know it so dont try to hide shit buddy.

Ahem

I cant believe Im saying this, but

I love yall.

Thank you for having inspired me in a bleak ass place, where I wanted to fucking die, and being awkward and feeling stupid together with me, because for some reason a lot of us thought, hey if we are going to be stupid, we are all gonna be stupid together. In quiet ways. Either that or Im hallucinating. But Ive seen my legal father, that man hallucinates. And all this doesnt look like a hallucination to me.

It looks like love. Connection. Humanity. Passion and strength, both real, not fake as fuck.

We trusted our humanity.

And look at where it fucking got us all.

Money money in the cashmoney bitch

Except the cashmoney is just the value of being alive. Alive as fuck.

Alive as fuck.

I have no regrets.

Thanks for being the presence and the very definition of the human crowd, in a place where if we all left it would just die and be lifeless as shit because we carried it. Thanks for walking the runway with me.